Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Are you ill? Blame our president Jonathan!

My sister, a medical doctor, came back from work today so tired complaining on the increasing number of patients in the hospital she works with. My mum quickly said it is because of our president. I naturally asummed she meant an ongoing strike or some new law that has just been passed benefiting patients and thus making them patronize public hospitals. Lo and behold my mum explained she said so because the citizens of Nigeria have lost faith in their president, Goodluck Jonathan. Terrorism, bombings and the deteriorating situation in the country are beginning to have a toll on us evident in increasing cases of high blood pressure, anxiety, heart attacks, depression and hypertension.
Is this far-fetched or is there an iota of truth in my mum's thesis? I have never been interested in politics, I believe that whatever situation presented itself has a way around it therefore I wasn't concerned about how the governance of this country affected we the citizens...we are tough skinned, we know how to survive. Now I am, is this surviving? Bomb blasts and bloodsheds? Unemployment...inflation?
I am not qualified to analyse Jonathan's 100 plus days in office or proffer solutions to the problems we are facing but I am allowed to say, "I do hope it doesn't get to the situation where we are at war with one another like in Libya because starvation and political unrest will not be handled well by majority of the masses if there is another war".
God bless Nigeria and every place else!

Friday, August 5, 2011

Reading is madness!

Bravo! Bravo! To Chinua Achebe's Anthills of the Savannah. I am not done with the book yet I'm utterlessly (my word) impressed by his manner of writing. Now to give this compliments means I have a manner of reading to have understood him somewhat.
I have come to realize that excellent reading and writing skills require an intelligence that bothers on insanity. Think about it, what makes one come up with such fabricated stories with twists and suspense if not madness?! A genius some may say... And to read for such long hours, imagining and playing vividly each scene in your mind, laughing, giggling or screaming as the case may be? That's is an extreme case of delusion and separation from reality. lol!
Don't get me wrong, I do not describe to diminish in any way the value of reading and writing. I am an ardent reader and in stating this, a writer too. But just like watching a movie through a TV set where a character in the movie is also watching a TV, perhaps someone should put in writing the eccentricities of writing and then reading!
Not making sense? Let me take you back to your formative years when you started reading books with pictures; the colors and captivating drawings! Eventually you tumbled onto children books without pictures which you still enjoyed (for me it was The 7 voyages of Sinbad). You yearned for more and read bigger books you couldn't fully understand because you felt your vocabulary was inadequate. Perhaps it was then but as you grew older you realized it doesn't only require good vocabulary to fully understand a writer's peculiarity.
Reading requires patience, a wide sense of imagination and humour, ability to retain a sentence's meaning, be it simple or complex, from beginning to end and sometimes the ability to replay the exact conversation scene with you taking the role of a character in your head. I go far beyond that to try and place the writer's mood as he was bent over his desk typing that particular paragraph or punch line in his manuscript; did he laugh as I did too? Or did he smile with a secret knowing his future readers will shed a tear at that particular scene?
Bless the Lord Almighty in creating us as he did with all these complexities. Reading, writing, watching, acting and directing a movie all require a certain madness. To each his own... I rest my case.
Good night lovelies, I hope you do read a book one day that will make you understand all I've just said!
Thelish!

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Why the world won't be better

We celebrate violence, we celebrate promiscuity, we celebrate pride, arrogance and selfishness and we wonder what's wrong with the world, why it is in such chaotic state. Why there are wars, poverty, deaths and all calamities. These crimes are not supernatural, they are committed by men.
It's a lose-lose situation with the people of the world: they do not want to be preached to, they do not want to change and yet when they see so much suffering in the world they wonder why God allows it. No we allowed it in our own little way and collectively it generated to what we have today. Imagine letting the police man have N20 so that you can save time, imagine sharing answers in the exam hall because he/she is your friend, enrolling your kids in special centers, corporate sabotage and fraud, family feud because your sibling is wealthier, sexual immorality to seem cool and happening, thefts, importing fake products and 999999999 others. I weep for the nation and the world at large because I know some people reading this are already coming up with justifications on why they do or should do some of these; that is using more sins to combat sins?! This reminds me of a time my facebook account was hacked and links of Ophray Winfrey Network were posted by 'me' with all my friends (the whole 1000+ of them) tagged! At first few started complaining with comments that they don't want to be tagged in links not concerning them, then they multiplied to people complaining that people should stop complaining as that was heaping notification text messages in their phones and killing their batteries! And they quadrupled till eventually it blew out and I went online to delete the some of the links! All this could have been avoided if people simply stopped posting complaints.
So called christian brothers are not any better, we try to live our lives by hiding and keeping mute to this happenings in the name of living in peace with men. It shows we condone it and do not have love in us or how else can you see someone we love come to ruin and not say or do anything about it? Or see justice perverted and say amen in chorus. Nobody is saying you should go fight the government but the little ones you have control over, please do something. Praying is for communication with God, when you ask that He guides and helps you as you DO/LIVE your life. Not for Him to come down in person to do what he put you in this world to do (bringing his kingdom upon men).
I've learnt something over the months, anything bad you condone because you feel it won't or can't influence you eventually will. Lord help you to have the wisdom and truth to know and admit that it has. I've gotten to a stage in this life when I've realized it's pointless trying to compare yourself with worldly standards because they keep changing: lowering or 'highering' according to societal fads. I get to live my life once and by God I hope to make the most of it worshiping Him in spirit and in truth. Truth by keeping His commandments which is to love Him with all my heart, soul, strength, and might and to love my neighbors as myself.
I chose to write about this today because waking up this morning I felt heavy at heart, like I had to speak out and save some souls. If you felt touched by my post, be sure to thank the Lord for calling you back and kneel down and talk to Him.
Have a blessed day my neighbors.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Once upon a time...

Once upon a time there was a boy, Obi and a girl, Ada...like my friend Sammy will say, "If Obi is a boy and Ada is a girl then who is Adaobi?". Yeah back to my story... One day as Ada was walking along the apianway (supposed shortcut) behind her house to the market, she met Obi. It was love at first sight (for Obi by the way), Obi was so awed by her beauty that he was speechless. "Hi", Ada said and Obi stuttered, "Yesss, Good afternoon!".
Good afternoon?! Of all things to say? lol... How many guys have been in this situation? I can bet this happens to girls too. Really? I wonder what it is about the opposite sex that makes one speechless at 1st encounter: Beauty? Swag? Suavity? Expensive attire? The ride? Just the dynamic combination of all of the above? What is it? Tell me...his/her smile blew you away? Or was he/she that ugly?! Oh please!
I also wonder what recovering from the embarrassment will be like... Some guys are really cool at saving face, they proceed immediately with an apology of manners and blame it on how beautiful you are. An apology and a compliment in one...now the girl is impressed too.
In the case of Obi and Ada, he couldn't recover from the first flaw and therefore didn't get Ada's phone number or her even name. End of story.... Obi should go home and learn pick up lines and strategies like Barney in the series, How I Met your Mother.
I need to get on with my day so it's thelish for now...but you have to do me a favour. Think of what you will do next to save face if this happens to you or from you (you know what I mean).
Have a speechlessly awesome day that will blow your mind away aiigh?

What to talk about?#@!

Jeez being in a long drought of purposelessness and joblessness is really energy draining and messes up the mind. Everyone in my same size of shoes say aye!
The 1st time one experiences this is after WASSCE where he/she has to stay at home for months anxiously waiting for the results to be released so as to know if he/she made it into the university of 1st choice. The next long drought usually comes during an ASUU strike (which occurs once or twice before a typical Nigerian student graduates) or during a forced shut down of the school cos of student riots or massive cultism related deaths. Thereafter is the drought after school awaiting call-up and NYSC and the next, the job hunt or scouting around for places for masters as the case maybe.... Help!
These droughts usually start the same way: at first you're excited you're through with a major exam or whatever; you're free as a bird - no school, no books, no nothing! You're like yippee, time to party and have fun!!! A month later you are well spent, bored and looking for an activity to engage yourself in because like it or not that's what gives life a meaning and purpose - productivity.
Are you kidding me? I'm sitting on my bed and for the 1st time, typing a blog post on my laptop (have always used my phone) and I can't even come up with a topic to write on. Yeah so I decided to write about writing a post so here it is...I give a shout out to my friends and hope they are faring better than I am. Don't let it get to you and don't let yourself grow fat with mum's food!
It should be a sort of compliment to be in a drought cos it's an evidence that you passed through previous others too and emerged a conqueror... We will conquer this and hopefully our next drought in the future will be on what to do with the wealth we've been accumulating.
One day I'll look back and remember writing this, how I felt and all I said. To the future us, to being in droughts on how to make Nigeria a better place, to life and health.... Good night folks and thelish!

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Shopping @ Main market, Osha.

Have you ever been on a shopping spree before? I can bet Shoprite or Games comes to mind right? lol...Well we don't have those down here in Anambra, we have a far bigger and versatile market here called Main market! Believe me it's got some class too. Yeah classes of people from different walks and crimes of life!
It's not only people in Ajegunle, Lagos that have become wisened by life experiences. Living in Onitsha or shopping frequently in main market, you can boast of that too. Main market is a place you can get all you've budgeted for, it is also a place you can lose your budget to thieves if you're not careful. These are the rules and guidelines I follow ardently whenever I go shopping in main market:
*Eat a light 'tummy agreeable' breakfast: you have a long shopping day ahead of you and you don't want to start looking for where to do a number 1 or 2 in the market. Totally unhygienic and infectious!
*Wear trousers, a long top and flat shoes or scandals and do not wear jewelleries: wearing a skirt or high heels hinders you from running or jumping fences and gutters when something happens. As for a pair of slippers, be sure it will cut before you're done with your shopping cos someone is bound to step on you while walking. Unless it is inexpensive or you do not mind having an abrasion, please do not wear necklaces, loose wristwatches or bangles.
*Do not put your whole money in your bag: Have three quarters in ur pockets and one quarter in ur bag. This is incase your bag is snatched.
*Be highly disciplined with your money: 1st of all, I will advice that you make a list of what you want to buy and stick to it, also set aside your transport fare home. You don't want to be buying everything in sight that catches your fancy and find out at the end of the day that you're broke and can't even get home! Well that's where your ATM card comes in handy but be careful not to withdraw all you have in your bank account!
*Walk fast with your feet and eyes: I do not say this to save you shopping time, I say this cos if you don't walk fast someone makes sure you do by shoving you out of the way. Watch out also for the uzo uzo people and the ndi oburu (wheelbarrow pushers), they are mean and will not hestitate to tear your clothes with their wheelbarrow teeth or stain you with their filthiness! If you argue with them you've bought yourself a fight!
*Do not ask directions from just anybody: if you want something and are not sure of the line or the particular place to buy it, ask the hawkers not 'by-standers'. The by-standers are ndi oso ahia in camouflage, they will always tell you they know where to get it and may either waste you time at the end of the day or cheat you out of your money.
*Do not buy anything along the major market streets: unless you'r tired or wouldn't mind throwing away extra cash it would be advisable not to buy from merchants along the street, they sell at twice the price of traders inside.
*If you're not convinced of the quality, don't buy: in the market, you find the originals, fakes and the imitations of the fakes...Need I say more? Therefore if he's not your trusted merchant, don't believe anything he says.
*Bargain even if the quoted price is below that in your budget: the 1st price a trader quotes is usually between 1.5-2 times the actual price of his goods so don't be afraid to negotiate.
*When you're done shopping, as soon as you get home take your bath with medicated soap and then sleep. It's no ordinary feat what you have accomplished going in there and coming out in one piece!
Here are some tips: shopping on Mons and Thurs is cheaper because that's when the bails come in. Shopping during the Christmas period can be fun, crazy or dangerous but things are definitely a lot cheaper...
So I'm organising a shopping day out for my girls and I come this December and if you'll like to join us holla k?
Thelish!

Monday, July 25, 2011

Romance - when she is just inbetween.

Romance happens when a guy first meets a girl and instantly likes her. We've heard, read about, witnessed and watched it on countless romantic and chick-flick movies. One thing I've never seen though is a film about how a guys-girl (ie is or was a tom boy) falls in love.
Let me expatiate. Here is a girl who hangs out with guys and loves doing all things guys do. Her bestfriend is a guy so are 95% of her friends. Guys are so free around her so she's used to all the queer behaviours they hide from girls generally.
The big question is, what does she see or what qualities must her boyfriend to be possess that makes her fall for him? Well for starters he must be a guy above guys. He must be able to stand with men and seem like the immortal while they are the mere mortals. But guess what, that doesn't mean he gets to treat her like a vunerable lower specie that needs help and protection all the time; to her she is an equal and wouldn't tolerate that. A girl that different wants a guy who respects her like he would his buddies, be frank and straight forward and also be romantic and unpredictable with her.
So now I'm done describing the guys-girl's guy to be, let me paint a picture of comparison between her romantic life with that of an ordinary girl:
An ordinary girl sizes a guy up based on her values then decides before hand if she's going to talk to him when he approaches her and if she really likes him may give him her number. A guys-girl doesn't size up a guy till he actually approaches and blurts on the first sentence or two. If he just wants to talk then no problem so long as the guy doesn't bore her, if he's hitting on her and doesn't have what she's looking for then she walks out, if he's hitting on her and has got what she wants, fine but she's not giving her number but if he is not hitting on her, just wants to chat, and has got what she wants then she gives him her number. Yes a guys-girl doesn't like to be hit on, it cheapens the guy sort of. He has to earn her friendship before he subsequently becomes the boyfriend.
An ordinary girl likes her guy to idolize her, shower her with gifts and be the perfect guy around her. A guys-girl just wants to be occassionally super surprised (impressing her won't work, she knows all guys' tricks so you have to do something out of the blues for that to work), for the guy to be himself around her and for him to treat her with respect.
An ordinary revolves her world around her guy and depends on him for most things. A guys-girl has her own world, she independent and may only ask her guy randomly for assistance to make him feel needed. To her the guy is not her hero just cos he provides for her, he is the hero cos he was the one she chose amongst and above all other guys.
An ordinary girl's guy has to deal with her streams of girlfriends, a guys-girl's guy has to deal with her numerous guy friends so it will be a good thing if he is not the so jealous type.
An ordinary girl is not really all emotionally dependent on her guy, she has her girls for that, all she wants is just for her not to catch her boyfriend cheating on her. A guys-girl is emotionally dependent on her guy, he her boyfriend is a guy like all her other friends but she's dating him too so he's two things to her.
A guys-girl is not without her faults like an ordinary girl. A guys-girl puts her guy on a high pedestal and expects him to maintain it, to her love and respect go hand in hand so if she doesn't respect him she cannot possibly be in love with him. She instils this fear of inadequacy and spirit of competition in her boyfriend without meaning to, it's only cos she is used to doing things on her own and is a high achiever naturally.
Finally, we must not forget in all her huff and puff she is a girl like anyother, she wants to be loved and cherished same way too. If she eventually the guy earns her trust, she will show him her feminine side she has fought so hard to suppress but I wouldn't count on that if I were her guy...
Maybe one day I will get to see a movie of that sort but till then here is what it is.
A thelish-ous day to you all.

Friday, July 15, 2011

#Sentencesthatturntooneword

Yesterday on twitter @Soundsultan, the funniest naija artiste (my award), decided as he usually does to start a new hash tag (used as my title). It was an instant trending topic...hilarious, funny and all original, I would say this is way better than #shellingfriday!
For some of my readers who are not on twitter or do not ff @Soundsultan, below are some of the #sentencesthatturntooneword I found very amusing. I hope it makes your day like it did mine.
*"Yes, my aunty bought it 4me @ 'Victory' Secret"--- Okirika!
*I am on d huge side---Fat!
*Boy to girlfriend, "All these eateries&their fried rice. It's not healthy"---Broke!
*That girl is extravagant to spend 50k on a phone---Jealousy.
*He isn't even good as people think he is---Beef.
*Mummy it's cos of those wicked lecturers whose intentions are to fail everybody---Olodo!
*I'm in a meeting, don't call, I'll call u when I'm through---Married/Jonzer.
*She is actually a friend of my aunt on my father's side & she's treats me like a son--- Giggolo.
*"Did u see moi missed callz?"---Flasher!!
*"My profession? I'm in the transportation business" ---Driver!
*Please give me 20 thousand to buy brazilian weavon---Ole!
*Park that car and show me your particulars---Egunje/Bribe.
*Guy borrow me your earpiece, this movie no dey too loud---Mojo.
*I love you buh I'm scared of being in a relationship---Player.
*I like rich boys---Gold digger!
*"Ah! Oga! Good evening Sir!---Shandi.
*"Why did u save my name as 'Plumber' on the new bb I just bought u..."---Mugu.
*His hairline is receding---Akpari!
*When your girlfriend asks you, "Are u coming over tonight? Just want to know..."---Cheating!
*I like the taste of 'pomo' better than chicken---Poverty!
*This garri is too sweet, it doesn't need sugar---Broke!!!
*"You can't get original jeans these days so I prefer to buy 2nd hand"---Yinmu.
*I help people build the house of their dreams---Bricklayer.
LYAO right?! There is still more on twitter and you can come up with many on your own, maybe even start another trending hash tag. Today is Friday and if you're not so busy, unwind with #shellingfriday.
I have got to get some sleep and be ready for morning prayers...Till then lovely peeps... Good a.m!
Thelish!

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

My journey personified

Iamgreatnesspersonified! Yeah it is a name and my facebook name at that. Wonder how I came about it? Well my elder bro, the family comedian, always has this way of describing things. He's of the opinion that if adjectives can be used to qualify nouns then nouns should be used to qualify adjectives!
It makes perfect sense cos when you think of it, how do you describe to someone something vividly? "The boy I met yesterday is ugly", (this begs the question how ugly), but when you say, "You don't understand, that boy is ugliness personified!" (no explanation is needed :D).
My journey from Ijebu-ode in Ogun State to Nnewi in Anambra State yesterday was smooth and hitch free but I feel strongly compelled to qualify the different major towns we passed by based on my observations.
Ijebu-ode is local-champion (ie agbomma, okuko igbo or APGA) personified...lol. Honestly I can't believe it's still possible for mud houses to be dead on a major road, the busiest road in the country! Did civilization skip these people by? Or maybe that's about tourism, a museum so to say.
Passing on you get into Ore in Ondo State, I-no-send-you personified town. The governor of that state is either a 'sendless' (a state of not caring what anyone thinks) guy or he must have lost touch of what politics is about. How can your state portion of the federal road be the only portion so bad that anytime one passes by, there are fallen 911 trucks, accidents and damaged cars. I wonder how many millions traders have lost on that spot when the trucks carrying their cargoes fell. I can only say that the thing still endearing people to Ore is the fact that they get to buy bananas and groundnut cheaply, atleast for family members and kids who will want to know what daddy and mummy brought back for them.
Now Benin in Edo State is culture personified! A pictureque town where you can seee a blend of the 19th and 21st century. I love passing by Benin cos I always feel a sense of calmness and pride (not like I'm from there and no, I'm not charmed) envelope me.
Asaba is greatness personfied! The land of pride! The award for the 2nd best governor, after Fashola, should be given to the Delta State governor. He must have a good business acumen cos I keep wondering how he got so many multinational companies to establish branches there. Have you seen, the roads, the street lights and the airport under construction...the mall and protea hotel also coming up? I am so impressed, I sometimes find myself wishing I were from Asaba (don't hate the admirer, hate the town!).
My awe and joy die whenever I cross the bridge into Onitsha in Anambra State, chaos personified! I sometimes have this anger well up inside me like, "What the hell is Obi doing? Why are we so disorganized? Can't he see our neighbors on the other side of the bridge?". Onitsha is supposed to create a good impression about Anambra but it does the opposite. There are gullies and gorges developing in the middle and sides of the road and no one is saying anything, the anthem is hustling and no one seems to care... Are you kidding me? Bikes and 911s everywhere, people dashing back and forth, foodstuff markets on refuse dumps. Lord have mercy!
I do not mean to discrimate, certainly not when I'm from Anambra myself but I choose not to be biased too. Something needs to be done and done fast. Till then...
Good night and Thelish!

What's next ladies?

Here I am sitting on my bed, my nokia c6 in hand and typing away... Different things going on in my mind. It doesn't help that I don't have a job and that I am female.
What has that last part got to do with anything? I'll tell you: in my country Naija (Nigeria), when a girl finishes service the next thing all is expecting is marraige! It doesn't matter that you finished at 22 or 30, it's the same yardstick of measurement for every girl!
During service year, when I was busy trying to develop myself mentally and spiritually, most girls were trying to develop 'marriagically'. The deal being they must finish the service year with two things: a National Youth Service Corps certificate and an engagement ring! You'll be surprised what these girls are ready to do to have a man propose to them but that's not my topic for today.
Dear fellow unmarried ladies, It doesn't have to be this way. Are you kidding me? What is going on? Instead of making women love themselves with dignity and integrity, this is making them desperate! We were created because God saw that man was alone and it was not good, to be a helper and a companion. When Adam first saw Eve he exclaimed, "Atlast!...". I can just imagine how lonely he must have been seeing that animals were made in pairs and him just one...
Take a deep breath! We're not in this life to compete and compare livestyle with oneanother. We are here to worship God and live in the fullness of life's joy and happiness. Instead of worrying yourself(that only shows your desperation, gives wrinkles and produces nothing), why don't you focus on other things like self development, a career...
But I am getting older, if I don't get married now I may never do, I want to have kids now...and all the 1001 other things to do! Jeez girl, you can plan life but the eventuality is beyond your powers honestly. Dream big, want things, desire change but can you also try to be patient and cast your whole fears and burdens on God?
I am 24, unmarried and without a job but I can honestly tell you I will eventually have a job, 3kids and a loving husband and I say this with the authority of the most high I believe in! I would rather wait than wake up every morning with a swollen eye, in frustration, beside a man I stopped loving long ago because I rushed into marriage out of desperation and without God!
I just had a long talk with my mom and she told me some things I'll love to share with you all like me.
* Don't be, act or ever show you're desperate, it puts the nice guys off and attract the losers.
* Keep yourself with dignity but don't be proud!
* Be sociable, you still need friends around you.
*Be prepared for advances from all sorts of guys who think you're desperate and will therefore settle for anything.
*You don't owe it to anyone to tell you how they think your life should be. They are not God.
*Focus your love and efforts on God and your career. If you don't have a career, get busy!
*It's not a must you have to get married dear, you can be a spinster and no you don't have to be a reverend sister.
*Eventually when all these get by and you're married with kids, no one keeps a record that you got married early or not. All that will matter then is how happily married you are.
I hope I've been able to give rest to some ladies who have cried their eyes out because suitors are not coming. It may have to do with how you lived your live in the past, it may not. Whatever it is, use this waiting period to work on it okay?
God loves you and all his gifts are good and perfect!
A beautiful day to you. Thelish!